Well, I just want to keep writing today, and I made a promise. Let’s start!
I met Whovie fifteen months ago, when we started our first semester at the university. It wasn’t love at first sight, but love at first heard instead. I was making a line, she was behind me and she made a sarcastic comment about TV that made me laugh. Curiously, I was about to make the same comment, so I turned to see who was the cool girl.
She was a chubby girl, but not McDonald’s chubby. She was chubby in a sexy way, with some nice curves and a cute face. Her hair was cut one side longer than the other and she was wearing glasses. She wasn’t exactly talking to me; she talked to herself which is something that most people consider awkward but I find it somehow smart. So I just smiled and turned back. I know I was a coward. The truth is, that was the first time I actually felt attracted for a chubby girl. I’m not exactly in the best shape of the world (in fact, I could and should do a lot about that) but I just hadn’t had that experience yet, so I was a little intimidated by the situation.
A few minutes later we were told to enter a classroom to receive orientation. I stalked her until we arrived (I don’t know if it counts as stalking if it’s just a few metres and we’re both ordered to go that way) and found out she was alone, like me. So when I saw the chair next to her empty, I thought it was the best excuse to compensate for my previous stupidity and sat there. We started chatting and somehow we ended choosing who would be the best people to make work teams with when we started classes. So we were already a team. We kept talking and that’s when it got weird.
Turns out, she defines herself as a pan-sexual, basically meaning that not only gender, but species isn’t important as long as you find the subject attractive and it’s consensual (In reality, she’s bi with a trend for men, but I’d like to see her around an alien). She also said she’d never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and she likes Doctor Who (Thus the name Whovie, for ‘whovian’) and yaoi (yes, she’s one of those girls, I don’t care, don’t mess with her). She even said she liked my name even though I hate it. Everything was going perfect, I was about to make my move when she let out:
“I just don’t want to date anyone until I finish the uni. I want to focus.”
Then her mum picked her up and they left.
Well, I had already been friendzoned the very first day of school (or at least, that’s what I understood), so I just said to myself to keep it cool, it’s the uni, no heart broken. Everything went cool: I had some hot friends, my notes were in the top five and I started taking Japanese and Portuguese. But as things kept going and we had team work together in Philosophy class we started clashing. We had some really different opinions about a lot of things. We had intellectual arguments in class, that then turned into arguments about almost anything. We had them in the middle of classes so people started feeling something was going on. Still, I was keeping it cool and not caring a lot, but then I found things getting different. For example, this girl who was sweet with everyone. Whovie and I were talking about something and then this girl interrupted to ask me something. She thanked me with a hug and when I wanted to go back to Whovie she wasn’t smiling anymore. She wasn’t angry, or sad, or annoyed, but she just didn’t keep chatting. And that’s when my paranoia started. What if she likes me? What if she’s just playing hard to get? Should I keep trying even though she blocked me? I started making myself those questions and getting more into it, when I realised.
I was falling in love.
I didn’t want to, I had promised I wasn’t going to do it, at least not that soon (middle October, only two months together). But I wasn’t thinking about anything but her. So I decided I had to do something about that, either suck it in or let it out. I talked to a friend in Japanese class (we’ll call him Wingman) and he helped me get some confidence. I started flirting with other girls (something I had never done before) and even being a total failure, I learnt a few things. And then I made my resolution: I had to invite her out.
Starting November, this wasn’t an easy task. First, I needed a plan. Second, I needed to find a day she was available (She was in Piano class, Dance class, Italian extra class, Singing class and she was never truly there. Third, I needed money. I was more than broke and everything is here twice the price than in my city. And Fourth, I needed the balls.
After a few more tries with flirting that didn’t end too badly, I made my plan. I sacrificed some money I was saving for a convention and decided to spend it on our not-asked-yet date. I stole a copy of her schedule to find a day she had nothing to do. I decided to do the classic: movie, sushi and taking her home. But it had to NOT look like a date. So I found a movie she wanted to see, got the schedule of the projections and went straight to her…
…when she was sleeping.
I found her outside of a classroom, taking a nap. I didn’t know what to do. I was going to leave when I saw Wingman checking on me. I couldn’t chicken out that close. So I did what you must never do when you ask someone out: I woke her up.
She looked cute, half asleep. But I had no time to think about that. She was already up and talking.
“Uh? Oh, Hi, Écrivain, what’s up?”
“Ehm… nothing really, I didn’t notice you were asleep, sorry.” Biggest lie ever.
“What’s it?” She was kind of annoyed that I woke her up, as any sensible person would be after such imprudence, but she was acting cool.
“Well, it’s just… You know, I want to see this movie, and I remembered you wanted to see it too, so I was just thinking…”
I didn’t end the sentence. She looked confused, but I couldn’t tell if it was for being half asleep or for being asked out. After a few seconds she gave me some sort of an answer.
“I don’t know. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
I wanted to say something else, but then her teacher arrived and she entered the classroom. I was having mixed feelings. On one side, I had just done it! I invited Whovie out! I’m normally not direct when it comes to feelings; I don’t even know how I’ve had girlfriends before. On the other side… well, I didn’t get an answer. Not even a proper reaction. So I didn’t know what to think. Wingman was proud of me, and he left acting like the black Barney Stinson he is.
I thought about this the rest of the day, and then, after not seeing her all next day, another twenty-four hours. The third day, two days before the convention and four before the date, I found her in a hall (starting December, we were in final exams and didn’t really have real classes). I asked her what she had thought and she gave an answer so enigmatic that I still haven’t figured out what she meant.
“It would be a date, no matter how you put it.”
She smiled and left.
What the hell??? What was that? Did she like me? Did she friendzone me? Was she trying to say “play harder” or “don’t play at all”? I swear I didn’t understand anything. We had chemistry, we had things to talk about, and we had a lot in common. So I asked my friends in the convention and nobody could give me an explanation, not boys or girls. I swear, she drives me crazy in all senses.
Next post: My Brain’s capoeira