When I started the second semester, everything was cool. It was early February, we had a new classroom in the best building of the campus and I got all the best language teachers. Monsieur C, the French teacher, is known for having the highest certificate in French language, the DALF C2. Professoressa T, the Italian teacher, was always good to us and we learnt a lot. And Ms. M, the English teacher, studied English teaching in the UK, so we knew we’d get the best learning. But my favourite part was that Whovie was in all my classes and in my Japanese group as well. So I was finally going to see her in action. It turns out she had spent some time in Canada, so her English was great (and she could make a lot of accents) and she already knew a bit of French. She helped me with my pronunciation a few times and I was really thankful for that. We still argued, though, and not always in a mature way, because she’s a bit childish and I hate to admit to be wrong. Thus we were spending a lot of time together and I was forgetting about my decision of getting over her.
But going back six months, there was someone else new in my life. Her name was Curlz, at least in my mind. She was a pretty girl, smart and funny, two years older than me and she was in my Japanese group. I initially thought about asking her out, but when I found out she had money (she had even gone to Japan, with no reason but having fun) I blocked any dating intentions out of my mind. As a rule, I don’t go after girls whose family’s income is more than the double of my family’s. It avoids me self-esteem issues and looking like a gold-digger (I was actually called that by a girl’s mother). So Curlz was definitely off the game. She introduced me to my hipster crew and we had fun together, but in my mind there was always a little voice saying “don’t try with the rich girl”. She wasn’t a big deal then, but she was a crucial part of the story later.
Back to February, the three of us always shared notes on Japanese and helped each other. Curlz was the most advanced, and I wanted to overpass her, but she was more focused than me. Anyway, one day we got a special homework: we had to write about our ideal mate. When I was working on it, I realised mine was like a mixture between Whovie and Curlz, and that’s when I started to get confused. At the end both of them had written the opposite of me, and I was feeling blue, until Curlz told Whovie something that made me think.
“You know, I don’t see you with someone like that. You’re too intense, and if you find a person as intense as you so much fire would explode. I think you would be better with a calm guy, who can calm you when you’re going crazy. Someone with a yin for your tons of yang.”
This showed me two things: one, that I no way had a chance with Curlz, and the second one, that maybe she was right. Because, intentionally or not, she was describing my relationship with Whovie. I have always considered Curlz a wise person (she’s even a Buddhist), and hearing her saying this gave me a light of hope. Maybe I do have a chance with Whovie, I thought. And I started to try smoothing things up with her. I was more open-minded when we talked and I sometimes offered to carry her backpack (her opinion about that was neutral and her backpack heavy as hell). I thought I was going the right way.
But then again, I was wrong. One day after Japanese class the three of us were leaving, and Curlz and I were discussing about how she thinks I have a superiority complex (which I don’t). She was getting pissed and asked Whovie her opinion. And that’s when it all fell down.
“He’s really annoying sometimes, I’m not sure of why do I hang out with him.”
I was in shock. Annoying? ANNOYING? You, little crazy whovian with your random ranting about The Mortal Instruments and Harry Potter, how dare you say that about THE ONLY PERSON WHO DOESN’T FIND YOU ANNOYING? I was speechless. Her backpack was on the floor and picking it up when she dropped the bomb. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I carried it anyway. She laughed and said “oh, yeah, that’s why”. She was joking with that last line, but it wasn’t exactly a nice joke, and it made me angry. So after taking her to the door I decided I was done with Whovie.
After a few days, everything was different. I wasn’t mad for her, I was mad at her. Our arguments became less friendly and I stopped helping her to do stuff. And when the spring break came I didn’t even say goodbye before leaving.
During my free days, I was thinking about that. It occurred to me that maybe I was being too childish. Maybe she was joking. She’s hardly better than me when it comes to social skills, so maybe she didn’t realise that would hurt me. I decided to keep it friendly with her, but with one change. I was no longer interested in dating her. I had better offers; I shouldn’t be around her like a bee after honey.
In late April, when we came back, I was acting normally. I was trying to flirt with girls, and my social skills were improving. I was paying less attention to Whovie and more to Curlz, and somehow she felt it and started changing her behaviour around us. She became quieter and she didn’t argue with me with Curlz in the room, even if I was saying or doing something that she hated. By the other hand, Curlz was being cooler every day, until had her “allergy”.
For respect to her I won’t say exactly what happened, but one day Curlz appeared depressed and without makeup. She said she had an allergic reaction and she had to drastically change some of the things she loved the most, including her makeup. She was devastated. I stayed by her side, trying to be the best friend I could. I told her that even without makeup she was beautiful, and although she didn’t believe me, she kept me close to her. We started going to have lunch together, to watch films, we studied together and we helped each other. I was happy, I was having fun and I almost got her back to normal.
June came and it brought the final Japanese exams. By coincidence, Whovie’s birthday was the second day of exam, and we had everything planned. The eight of us (large group, uh?) were paying a friend to make us a sushi buffet, and we secretly agreed to buy Whovie a cake. But disaster came. It turned out that the test was really harder than what we expected. Everyone was anxious and depressed after the first day. We were all sure nobody had a single answer right. And the second day, Whovie collapsed. She had a panic attack and she left the room, leaving her test blank. She couldn’t even read the questions. We were all worried, but nobody did anything drastic. We had agreed after the previous test that if something like that happened nobody would do something stupid, like leaving after the quitter. So when I finished, half of the class was out.
The day was ruined. The sushi friend called to cancel because she had a job interview (no one cared about that). Whovie had stayed crying for several minutes and when Magikarp came out (I’ll explain the name later) she told her the situation and left. I didn’t even get to see her. We cancelled the cake and everyone left to feel sad about ourselves at home.
I wanted to go see Whovie, but I didn’t know where she lived and she had told us she was going out anyway. I couldn’t call her because I suck at having telephonic conversations (last time I tried I almost got a friend to think I didn’t care about his dad’s death). So I spent half an hour writing a long text trying to make her feel better. She didn’t even text “thanks” back, but I didn’t care. I just wanted her to be fine. I wouldn’t see her until weeks later, or so I thought.
With Curlz, things were great. I was even reconsidering my rule about money girls. After we all finished the tests we found out only Whovie and another girl had failed. I went with Curlz to get celebration sushi and we were talking about our vacation plans, when Curlz told me about her “boyfriend”.
His name was João. He was from Brazil, and they had met two years ago in Canada. He was a rich boy like her, smart, physically attractive and with Japanese DNA (something she really cares about). He was, by all meanings, everything I’m not. And it was a long distance relationship. Yes, I was competing with a phone without knowing it. I was furious on the inside, but I didn’t do anything. How could I? It was like an ant being mad because the peacock he likes is dating another peacock. When things kept going I was trying to find a way to discredit him and calling him names like Cariocahead or Zumbi (I get a little racist when I hate someone). But at the end I gave up. She said he’ll visit her next December. And if I can’t compete with him having five thousand miles of advantage, what will happen when he’s here, closer to her than what I’ve ever been?
Back to Whovie, we both decided to take a vacation class to take it the easiest way instead of a whole semester. Although we were on the same work team again, we hardly ever talked. After a while she decided she didn’t need us and she finished the work by herself. And later, around my birthday, I found out I wouldn’t have any class with her this semester. I talked to Curlz about how I felt for Whovie (knowing that nothing will ever happen there) and she didn’t believe it. The girl I described as my ideal mate was nothing like her, according to Curlz, and we ended having a talk about how sometimes what you want and what you need aren’t always the same thing. I told her I had a little crush on her way long ago (not totally a lie) and she just made a sarcastic laugh and said “look at that. And even when I’m not Whovie”. She told me she didn’t think Whovie felt anything for me anyway, and that was enough. I left that battlefield.
And I would be proud of myself if I hadn’t spent most nights of the last two months thinking about Whovie.
Next post: Please don’t make that pun