This story takes place at the same time the last retrospective did. It won’t be too long, because I already said a lot in my previous post, so if you have a few doubts you can go there.
I met Neko at the start of the second semester. I was still a little down for Whovie’s “rejection” and I said to myself that I had to stop spending too much time with her. The first day, in French class, Monsieur C had just introduced himself and wanted someone to read at loud the subject’s curriculum. He checked his record and picked a random name.
“Marchez au front de la salle et lissez le tableau s’il vous plaît… Mademoiselle Neko. “
Naturally, nobody understood a word, but she heard her name and guessed he wanted to see her. She went to the front of the classroom and took the sheet of paper from him. And that’s when I saw her. She was little, 1.40mts tall, and she was the skinniest girl I’d seen. Her hair was long, black and straight, kind of messy but looking nice. Her eyes were big and she had a soft voice. But what most impressed me was that she was wearing a white shirt, jeans and blue sneakers. This by itself might look like nothing special, but combined with her Japanese-like appearance it made her look like a female L. Death Note’s L. If you don’t know him, this is him. Now, if you don’t find that attractive, try to change it to this girl over here and make her smaller. If you still don’t find her attractive, keep in mind how weird I am.
When she left the class I went to talk to her, to make sure she wasn’t a 13 year old girl who had skipped school years. She was not, and we started to hang out every French class, the only one we shared. We occasionally exchanged a hello on the bus stop, but mostly we used class time to talk about anime and funny things and how her dogs were named after Saint Seiya characters. She showed me she was taking Kung Fu classes and I told her about my writing.
One day, I was going to Walmart on a free hour and I found her in the way. She was going too and we went together. At some point, she took my hand and I freaked out. I didn’t say anything but I could only think one thing: was this a date? She let it go ten seconds later, but I was already interested. I wanted to find out, and maybe, just maybe, keep dating her.
While we walked, she was telling me about a friend of hers who had recently got pregnant and was going to leave school to get married with some guy. Neko started telling me how she was disappointed of her friend and that she wouldn’t like to do that (meaning sex, not leaving school. She said that was fine). Now, after seeing this happen with several of my friends, I had already deducted that when a virgin, naive girl brings up the sex topic with no apparent reason and starts saying that she wouldn’t do it, it’s most likely because she actually is curious and doesn’t know how or who to ask about it. But I had a firm concept of Neko’s innocence and I couldn’t believe it was her case (up to this day, I still don’t know.) So I rejected the idea and after a relatively harmless joke about it we moved on to other things.
When we were at the Walmart we had fun like little kids. We chose what we considered the best juice (and with that I mean we simultaneously pointed at the cheapest), we ate all the brownie samples from the bakery and we fooled around a little with the pool noodles. But then, things changed for a minute. There was a connection moment, and I had a chance, a perfect chance to kiss her.
She told me to keep her little secret: sometimes, when she went to Walmart with her (now pregnant) friend, she would… “Borrow candies”, as she said. I was surprised about what she was implying, and when she told me to help her do it just once. I normally don’t do that kind of things but she had a really convincing look, like if we were taking a huge risk on a Russian roulette game instead of taking a half dollar sweet that nobody would care about. So we picked a candy: a chocolate bar the size of my arm, perfect to fit in my jacket’s sleeve. Since the place was full with employees and cameras, our plan was that we would hug in a romantic-like way and she’d slowly put the candy into my sleeve. But when we were doing it, we noticed it didn’t look convincing, so I crouched closer to her and, for a moment, my lips were really close to hers.
I was nervous, I didn’t know if she’d like it, if she would reject me, if she even had thought about that possibility. Besides, the chocolate was making things even more difficult. And then I did the stupidest thing I could have done.
I kissed her on the cheek.
We kept playing for a few minutes; she didn’t react or at least I didn’t notice it. After we paid the juices and left, we ate the candy bar outside. We went back to the school and we split up. She told me she’d had a great time and that we should do it again.
Things at the uni kept the same way, but the occasion never came to go out again. I wanted to invite her but I was self conscious about that time and I didn’t have the guts (I’m a coward, I know). After Christmas break I found out we didn’t have classes together anymore, and although she had invited me to her Kung Fu class, I didn’t think I could or should go (I’m not in the best shape and I didn’t want to look ridiculous in front of people who could someday share a class with me.)
I have hardly seen her this semester, and she was always with a guy friend who might be having the same issues. I even saw her once with a group of gothic people. I’m not sure I fit in her life anymore or if I still have a chance, and even if I have it, in the previous post I explained why I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I just hope she’s fine.