Today things were really calm. I initially wasn’t going to post anything, but I think believe it could be interesting what happened, even though it’s not too much.
I was coming to the city for school (I live in a close city, but the roads are terrible and I have to stay at my grandma and uncle’s to spend the week days.) The bus was quiet and slow, and I fell asleep for a minute. Well, maybe fifty. The point is, I had a dream where I was arguing with Whovie like we used to do and after some questions I told her everything I felt for her. But it was like if I were reproaching her that I was afraid to do it for her attitude against me. I’ve had similar thoughts before, but this was the first time I expressed them, even in a dream. I understand how this is unfair, how I can’t blame her for my lack of guts and that whatever attitude she takes is a consequence of my actions. But I still feel like this; my brain knows that I’m wrong, but my heart won’t listen. Maybe this dream was my subconscious talking to me. Maybe I should tell her how I feel and that could cause my relief. I don’t know how she would react, and although I have the feeling it won’t be the reaction I’d wish, it could still be useful. My dream didn’t clarify this because after I said that to her, she turned red, but before she could say something I woke up. I hope I can get it back tonight.
When I arrived home, my neighbour and one of his friends were drinking on the street. He’s a retired engineer and I respect him as a figure of authority, but seeing him drunk and unable to stand by him made me feel disappointed. I didn’t say anything, but it was shocking because I’d never seen him like that before. And then he called me to chat.
As you might guess, someone who can’t understand socialisation easily is not exactly the soul of the party, and people is very religious where I live, so you shouldn’t be surprised to hear that before today I had only seen two known people drunk: one of my best friends who was the only one drinking on a party we had, and another friend’s father, who seems to like me more than his son. Naturally, I didn’t know what to do with my neighbour, but I thought a little chatting can’t hurt anyone. I followed his conversation for a few minutes and then I politely excused myself and left.
My uncle was waiting for me to help him with his computer (he knows nothing about them) and then he showed me some pictures of mermaid corpses they’ve found on the beach. I tried to explain to him the concept of Photoshop but he didn’t believe me, and some of them looked pretty realistic so I listened to his talking for a few minutes. And then I came to bed, thinking about Whovie and what I want in my life.
So, the three things I learnt today:
1.- Mermaids might exist. I don’t think it’s probable but I’ll keep an open mind.
2.- I need to learn the social protocol for old drunk people.
3.- When you fall in love with someone, the healthiest thing to do is tell them. Otherwise you might end with repressed feelings consuming you.
Next post: A fair book fair