Lately I haven’t been feeling well. Funny, though, considering all things happening in my life. Yet, I feel like I need something. Emotional drama, maybe, I don’t know. I read, I write, I play video games, I watch series, I have a ton of friends with whom I hang out and talk about what I want in life. I’m studying what I like in an awesome uni that is even offering me the chance to go to either Italy or Japan for a semester. And I am not happy.
I should be happy. I have nothing to complain about. I even found out the girl I like likes me back. but I don’t feel like there’s a reason for me to continue, to wake up tomorrow and get all Lego-Movie-like, singing EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!! and having fun. Why am I this way? What is missing in my life? What do other people have that I don’t?
Perhaps I’m about to have another episode. Those are never nice. I get all emo and thinking about how nobody loves me and I will die alone. And yes, I’m perfectly aware I need to get therapy, but not only I’m scared, I don’t have the time. My schedule is filled up with fun things that I don’t enjoy for some reason, and The Cold is probably coming back soon. I don’t like The Cold, it makes me want to kill myself, and then it reminds me that I’m too coward to do it and I feel even worst. It happens sometimes and I don’t know how to get rid of it. And then it leaves as easy as it came. I don’t understand why do I have to go through this.
This must be the reason people watch TV dramas and soap operas. Not for the plot, just… to feel something. In a world where all your feelings are doped, at least that feels real. Even if it’s foolish to think María Isabel will be in a coma and she will never find her true love, at least it gives people something to feel.
At least I’m writing, and that’s good. I can let my emotions go through it. I need to do something stupid and dangerous, and I need to do it now. Maybe that way The Cold won’t come back. I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve figured out how to get it to leave.
I’m not tired, though I should, but I’m going to try to go to sleep right now. Wish me luck, dear readers, if any of you still read me. And please, if you know how to avoid The Cold, please tell me.