The Darkest Timeline

The Darkest Timeline


Dear readers, Greendale students, fellow fanboys and fangirls, brace yourselves to hear the tales of this doomed writer, whose fate got sealed from the start of this week. Because this is my darkest timeline.

It all started on Wednesday. I went to Japanese class expecting to find my friends happy and my homework rated. What I first heard, instead, was dooming.

“Écrivain,” the sensei said, “Your exam was far from excellent. Your grammar was lacking a lot, and I can hardly read your hiragana properly. I don’t know what happened to you, but you need to focus more.”

It was shocking. Unlike the last semester, which I failed because I didn’t know enough kanji, this time I’ve been studying hard and doing my homework. I was confident my exam was going to be great; after all, I’m not even learning new topics, I’m just retaking the course. This didn’t make any sense, though I felt something was off. I tend to be paranoid about that stuff, so I didn’t listen carefully.

Later that day, I was cheerfully talking to one of my friends about what happened with Neko, when she realized something.

“Wait. You don’t mean Neko from our French class…”

“4’8”, straight hair, cute eyes, yes.”

“Écrivain, I’m not sure you know this, but… she’s Mary’s cousin’s girlfriend. At least she was until New Year, she said he took her to the family party. And they were together a year ago, so… I’m sorry.”

So this was even more interesting. Neko has a boyfriend. Which she never even mentioned before, when she talked about not having friends and made me go shoplifting candy with her. Damn, I’ve been such an idiot. I talked to Kyle, Jen, Wendy and Whovie about it, and they say if she agreed to go out with me maybe it’s because things with him are bad and she actually likes me, but I don’t know if I could do it. I was cheated on once, and I hated it, and I hated myself, for a long time. I don’t think I could participate in that on the other side. Whovie says it’s only cheating if there’s sex. Jen says it’s if there’s kissing. Wendy thinks it’s a matter of feelings. And Kyle… well, he doesn’t talk much. Anyway, I still have to decide what to do, because I said a lie and cancelled our date. I might ask her out again one of these days. Or not, who knows.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I spent the night fighting with the sheets or something.

On Thursday I thought ‘hey, maybe the writing club will cheer me up a bit’. Guess what? After talking it through, and seeing how we’re only four people and some can’t even go every week, and the semester is ending, the writing club’s activities are suspended until August. A shiver came down my spine when I had to say it out loud. And then I went home to check my finances… yeah, I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but the business is low. Dead, actually. I have hardly sold a day and a half of products this week. And all I could think about was, “this feels like… foreshadowing.”

After another night of no sleep, I went to school to find out that most of my classes were suspended for Mother’s Day (don’t ask). So this reminded me: the church does this thing every year where, the night before, all the teens and young adults get together and go house by house singing to their mothers. I figured out that might cheer me up; after all, I haven’t sang in… a year, now that I think about it. I never sing. It’s kind of sad. So I texted the usual organisers and they added me to a WhatsApp group, where after hours and hours of trying to come up with something…

You guessed it.

This doesn’t make any sense! How can everything be falling apart so quickly? Besides the job interview (where I was practically forced to accept, and the boss plans to exploit me) everything happening to me in the last three days has been awful.

All I had left was Reddit. At least does guy never bring back news… except now they do, just for today.

When I read it, I couldn’t believe it. And then, suddenly, all the pieces fitted in their places.

It was true.

There was only one explanation for what’s going on.

This is the Darkest Timeline.


Something happened. Something changed the balance of the universe. Maybe a dice, or a coin, or rock-paper-scissors. But the multiverse expanded, and there’s no way out. Or is there?

I have to go, I need to make a cardboard goatee to wear until I can grow a real one. I must find my way back to the original timeline. With some luck, I’ll escape to a better place. Somewhere cool. Cool cool cool. See you soon, my dear friends. Enjoy your night, sleep peacefully, and do not think of an elephant.


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