I’m dumping the blog. I won’t delete it in case someday I might read it again, but I won’t write anymore.
I’m in my lowest peak. I hate myself, I hate my life, I can’t do anything right and I think my friends are starting to dislike me too. I’m doubting my faith, my sexuality and my future. I have no one to talk with about my problems; originally I thought maybe this blog would help but spending my nights typing all the shitty parts of my life is actually more depressing, and no one even pretends they care. not even a fucking sympathy like.
Whovie won’t happen. Curlz won’t happen. Neko won’t happen. Wendy won’t happen. Magikarp won’t happen. I am a socially crippled imbecile who can’t even make it clear when I’m romantically interested in someone. I will be alone. I won’t buy a car. I won’t stop living with two hoarders. I won’t stop being incapable of doing anything right. I will not graduate suma cum laude. I will not do a semester abroad. I will not publish a book.
There’s no point in my life. I fucking try to be optimistic, but it’s harder everyday. I’m just gonna roll on my bed and let myself die. I’m even too much of a coward to kill myself, so it will take a bit. But still, what do I lose? It’s not like I had anything to live for anyway. I’m not even a prodigy writer, I’m barely sort-of-good. I’m not a Tolkien. If anything, I’m a Coelho.
This is probably my last post. I just have to say the three things I learnt while doing this blog:
1.- Life is unfair. Good people do good things and help the others and end in a pit of misery. Bad people do bad things and they fucking get everything they want.
2.- People don’t care about you. Not your friends, not your family, definitely not strangers on the internet. You’re alone in life and you must learn to live with that.
3.- Not everyone receives love. No matter how hard you try, there is people who are destined to it, and there is people who are destined to solitude. Get used to it, it won’t go away.